i really had enough !!

11/11/07 , sun He can totally forgotten bout talking to me at 5 am !! n eating dinner with gurls , that gurls voice is damn laoud,i'm sure they either sit together or damn near la,if not then it wouldnt be so damn loud , :'( , tell me why i love him so much ?!!? why i treat him soo good?!why ?!:'(,i have n will never forget bout talking to him at 5 am no matter how late i sleep even tho i have only one hour sleep like yesterday or how busy i am?everyday i'll wake up myself without the need of using the alarm altho i did set .this shows howimportant i'm to him n how important is he to me , forgotten to bring watch is an excuse as i dont wear watch also . he changed totally!i'm veryhurt, i really wanna know does he still treat me as his gf or just a normal friend coz the way he's treating me really makes me suspect if he has a new gf there,he dont sayang me unless i asked for it,dont pujuk n etc just,:'(,i'm damn insecure n hurt, i feel damn bad for using shut up on him i shall apologise next time

stressful life, feel helpless but will never let go or give up because of too in love

10/11/2007 2.00 am , U know , when someone grow older he or she will have to face lotsa stress n prob . nowadays i got lotsa prob , friendship prob , relationship prob , lotsa homework n assignment piling up n sometimes family prob . U know , i really feel damn tired n helpless especially towards my relationship .i really put lotsa hope n love in this relationship n i kept getting hurt n disappointed as e always break my promise n etc. i really feel damn helpless , all i want is just someone to sayang me n love me forever , why is it so hard to find this kinda guy ? i just wanna be like heung ling , ashley , ching huan n jill . i just wanna be like them , have a guyto love , care n sayang u forever . why is it so hard ? why am i always at the losing end ? why am i always the one getting sad , angry , disappointed n hurt ?! i really feel damn sad , i just want a guy to sayang me , care for me n sayang me forever . Is it too much ?! i dont think so , why heung ling n others have all this but not me ?! i really love my current bf , i've put lotsa hope n love in this relationship , hoping that it will last forever but with his current attitude i think he'll dump me soon . Last time he sayang me very much , always care for me n etc but now he treat me differently , i really dunno why . i know he's also suffering as he's in a foreign country without ppl care for him n etc that's y i try my best to care for him more ,"kuan sam him more" , try my best to sayang him more , try to control myself so that wont merajuk too much n try to stop myself from demanding too much . i always think for him but what bout me ? i always get disappointed n hurt . i already tried my best to be a good gf but what bout him ? i dont expect him to be a perfect bf , i just expect him to love me forever but i dont think he will , i should say i dontthink he can ..i really feel damn tired n helpless .. i really feel damn san fu ... there r num of friends that asked me to dump him , let go this relationship n i'll feel better , thay said i feel so san fu n so helpless is because i'm too in love with my current bf . honestly yes , i'm too in love with him , too attached to him but friends , i'm really sorry , i will never let go this relationship no matter how san fu n helpless i feel . u might think that i'm stupid coz by the way he's treating me i know u gurls feels that he's not really in love me n might dumo me next time . i know , u gurls told me lotsa time di , but i really love him , i really dont wanna n will never let go this relationship no matter how helplessor tires i feel , i dun wanna regret , i also got the feeling that he might dump me next time but i dont care as long as i've try my best to be a good gf n cherish now . i'm really sorry for not listening to u gurls but i really cant help it , i hope my dear friends will respect my decision n not be angry at me for not listening . thank u. feel much better after blogging . And message for victor , may yue told me that u always read my blog, how did u get my blog add? haihz , nvm , thank u n she also told me that , that day when u n ur gf were dating in bukit jalil , u saw my cousins n i , she told me everything . just wanna say thank u for reading my blog n also thank u for the compliment altho i think it's not true, dont may yue or anyone else for my num anymore k ? i will not talk to guys except for my classmates . that's all for now , signing outz

hurt ...

i really dunno la , but now i'm damn hurt , why am i always the one being hurt n sad ? i really dunno what to do or what to say , i really very tired of this already .. i really love him , i love him to the extend that i can say he's my everything but why is he treating me like this . like what lai yin told me , kah jun comment bout me when he went out with lai yin , said i'm too loyal n too into the relationship n also said i will be the end up damn damn damn damn hurt , haihz , altho i dont really know him but i agree with what he said , haihz , really speechless la , really very hurting , btw , client counselling today was quite fun tho .from today onwards i'm not going to talk to him everyday wherereas only one day per week n one hour , haihz , anything la , i shall be use to it , really cannot control or say anything already , haihz :'( i'm sad , damn sad , i have so many problems , life is really damn stressful as we grow older , haihz especially in relationship . really damn hurting , dunno what to say anymore , anything la , haihz , signing outz

why am i so stupid?

well ,i'm really damn hurt n sad bout the way he treat me recently , yesterday we quarreled , n yesterday i was like guessing whether will he come online n my feelings told me that he will not be so bad wan , he very sayang me wan , no matter what also he'll come online wan so i woke u up BY MYSELF , without the need of using the alarm clock n guess what ,he wasnt online . so i plan to call him n he told me that he's not going to come online because we quarrrel . this is really unexpected , i really didnt expect that he will treat me like this , really unexpected . Honestly i tot he still sayang me like mad , but i'm wrong . U know , yesterday rachael was telling me that ur bf is ur everything n it's true , he is my everything so no matter how angry or sad or disappointing also i'll try my best to cool down n forget bout it n i did . so what if he is my everything? i'm not his everything also , sometimes i really dunno why am i so stupid , i felt that he's treating me more n more lam tham but i still try my best to "kuan sam " him more n try my best to care for him .when friends ask me who ususally call who , in order to avoid letting my friends to talk bad bout him or give my friend a bad impression , i lied , i said sometimes i call n sometimes he call . i reallly feel that i'm damn stupid , i know he's treating me lam tham day by day , but i always tell myself "nothing wan , small little thing only ma , he very sayang me wan , i'm just thinking too much" am i trying to lie to myself ? i guess so . why am i so stupid? ppl said this is the power of love . haihz if that's true then i think it's stupid . Haihz , maybe , after all , he does not love me as much as last time anymore , maybe it's time for him to dump me soon . if that's so then i really have go n die already , i trust the wrong person , n i'm damn CHEAP !!! anything la , i think i've already did my job as a gf , should say more than what a gf will do , i call him , friends always say that i'm wasting money n time but didnt care , i still make an effort to call see to check if he's ok n etc , i wake him up so that he wont oversleep n cant sleep at night , i care for his health , restict him from drinking this n that n etc , there's nothing else i can do anymore , u know i really care for him , but i really dunno why i'm treated this way, friends said , i this kindof gf is hard to fins anymore , n they will ask me whther am i happy coz she praise me , so what ?my bf doesnt think like this , the person i really love doesnt think like this , happy for what ? all compliment anyone made to me didnt made me happy at all because i want it to come out from the person i love the most n not other ppl , haihz ,getting emo di , better stop here , signing outz

sleepy post

i'm sooo damn sleepy , yesterday i was chatting with roxanne from 11 something pm till almost 3.30 am , well , we chat bout lotsa things , hahaha , rox , know what ? it's really damn fun chatting with u yesterday n honestly , after telling u my "sam si " i felt much better , thanks ya .. love u , btw , gonna chat again k ? wow , today's english class was so not fun , my lecturer got so angry , he raised his voice towards one of my classmatesn asked her to shut up , my friend got so angry n pissed. well i understand la , but think properly la , he's already 70 something years old ,he is an old man , why must care so much bout it ? to me i think that i should attend for his class n respect him as my lecturer no matter how mean he treat us , i really pity him lo as my classmate is not gonna attend the english class anymore because of what he did today , n the worst thing is they're planning to complain bout . Think properly , why would u wanna so "kai kau with an old man , i also got bomb by him because was telling pui yee something but i didnt really care , didnt talk bad bout him or whatever cozi think he's damn old di , we shouldnt treat him so bad , we should respect him . i told my friends that he's old already , we should at least respect him a lil n my friend's reply was like this "so what ? old doesnt mean that he can do that to me rite ? " i dunno why but she just made me feel that she dont respect him at all , u know , i understand how she feels la , lecturer raise his voice n asked u to shut up infront of the whole class , i know how it feels but ppl old already i really thinks that we should respect him n just take it easy with it lo. haihz , dunno why they wanna complain n talk bout him bhind his back , at least he did apologise right? haihz , i pity him .haihz , didnt chat with edwin today , busy with his damn movie , haihz , suan ba , shouldnt care so much anymore. i'm soooo damn sleepy !!! i wanna sleep but then right , it's 5.37 m now , if i sleep then tonight i confirm cannot sleep wan , i wanna sleep early tonight so that i can concentrate tomorrow ,haihz , but then right , second thought i think i better take a nappie first , heheheh . really cant stand the sleepiness la , haha , signing outz

can people stop giving comment bout me?

i heard from my friends that my ex dance friends (long time no see n talk ) saw me that day , they told my friends something , altho it's good but i just dont like it, not all is good tho , they comment on my looks that's good but said that i'm getting bitchy , haihz , i will really LOVE IT if that comment is from my bf , i just wanna hear comment from my bf n not FRIENDS . That day my father's friend said ", waaa , ur daughter is starting to look like ur wife as she grow older , that's good ", i was like "what?! are u indicating that i look old ?! why is it good ? is it a compliment or an insult ?" well , i dont really care much bout all this is comment hmm , i feel quite stressed up , haihz , due date for contract assignment is apporaching , saddie nya , but legal skills come first , need to hand up legal skills on 16th of november 2007 , haihz , one day before my birthday !!!!! not fair !!! sad sad !!! this year's birthday will be damn saddie to me as my bf is in uk !!! saddie . :'(

why am i always in the losing end in every relationship ?

why ? why am i always in the losing end in every relationship ? is it because of loyalty or what? i really dunno what he wants ,he said , we shouldnt talk so often anymore , talk when we're free or feel like talking , means what ? u know , i'm really very tung fu now , really ,i really dunno what to say or what to do ?why must i know bout this only when i knoe that i cant live without him in my life or it's hard for me to live without him . i'm in the losing end now , i've lose everything , i've totally lose anythin , i just wanna know why must i be so tung fu n heart broken n tung fu now, i know he's getting bored of me , i'm not the girl he wants anymore , i think he might consider finding other gurl that suits him , i'm not sure , right now he still havent dump me yet , i dunno what he wants , u know i'm really very hurt n tung fu , i rfeally love him why must he treat me like that ? why i just be like heung ling , found the guy will love me , sayang me forever , i just expect to have a bf that will love me forever, i dont expect him to be perfect , loyal to me , love me more than i love him , sayang me , then i'll stick to him forever , is it hard to find such guy ?! i tot i foung one but haihz i really dunno ,='( , i'm really very sad n hurt , idunno what should i do?='(

..

firstly , thanks for the compliment , like what my friends used to tell me , no matterr what u should say thank u to the person who praise u or whatsoever , whether u think it's true or not , so thank u !! but i think it's not true , hehe , sorry , this is the fact . Today , i chatted with a gurl , my classmate , named , hui ann , her bf went to cardiff last month . She tol me that her bf didnt go to club or pub , he was invited to a porn party n he didnt even think of going because he didnt want hui ann to simply think , n acording to hui ann , her bf used to sayang her like mad from last time till now ,they take turn to call each other thru ohone n sometimes thru webbie , they used to talk for one n a half hour everyday n talk more during weekends . soooo sweet !!! hehe , well , i know my bf used to sayang me also so it's unfair for me to complain so much =) therefore
i have nothing to say bout him. Hui ann told me , quarreling often is very normal as sometimes we will feel insecure because we're far apart from each other n we do not know what r they doing . well , i agree with her bout that . To me it's more than that , always quarrel n also disappointment , i really dunno what to say or what to do , haihz , nvm la , i cannot do anything so might as well just forget bout it . I really love this guy , really really reallydamn in love with him that's y i put 100% hope on him n in this relationship . Although i'm very very very disappointed with him but i still put 100% hope iin him n this relationship. Why is that so ? because i really love my bf like mad , n forever . i cannot do anything to this disappointment but to accept it n dont care bout it . If u really love someone forever n with all ur heart then u should accept whatever he say or do altho u're not satisfied or do not like it n not to force him to change unless he is willing to change himself for u => i reallt should learn to trust him more , i guess, sleepy , wanna zzzzz now , signing outz

.. haihz

u know , i was damn dan happy on mon because we talk bout something n eventually everything is ok , yup , on mon i got that feel , as in the happy n ham fook feeling that i used to have last time , yup , really very happy bout it , i tot this feeling will remain like this for a long time but haihz , u know i just got to know that recently he always goes toclub n when i asked him he said no i didny ,is this call honesty? he reminds me of what he did last time n made me feel extremely insecure. yup , i only felt ham fook n secure for one day , one day only , that's all , i thought this feeling will last as long as i considerate , try to control my feelings , n etc but i dunno why i went out of control n scolded him again , actually to be honest , i'm DAMN DAMN disappointed with my bf , ever since he left uk he had never give a damn to listen to me , when i'm angry he didnt really give a damn to pujuk , yes he did , but unlike last time . haihz , got lots more reason but i think better dont complain too much , u know, actually i hate my bf going to bar n pub , n he's going there quite often nowadays , i didnt like him to go there not because i'm scared that he'll betray me but it's because i dont like it , i just dont like it , i dont want my bf to have this kinda going to pub n club habit too often ,but what can i do ? nothing , who am i to stop him ? his friends are important to him , he dont wanna lose his friends, so therefore forget bout it la , i'm the one always have to control myself n tahan ,actually honestly i 'm really dman disappointed with him , i alwats have the feelingg that he will go pub or club especially after quarreling but i told myself to trust him , the kinda guy i choose will not be like that , i must learn to trust my own taste more so i did trust but now it ended up with disappointment , huge disappointment , i start to feel that there's really really a gap between us , i tot ireally know him n understand him therefore i need to trust my tast that i will not have this kinda bf but i just realised i dont really kknow him or maybe that he had change as he was not like that last time ,he was only a step away of being the ideal guy that i dream off , but nnowi think it's a total big difference , he's doing somthing that i hate but i dont wanna tell him , i knew that his friends are important to him therefore he cannot afford to losethem so forget it , n i tot that he'll really pujuk me or make mehappy back but he didnt , everytime when this happen he tend to go offlinr earlier i really suspect if there's somthing is wrong with us ,i really thinks that there's a big gap between us as i do not know what is he thinking now n do not know what kind of person he is n do not know how will he treat me as everythin i expect is not happening but insteaad it's going the other way round , haihz , i really dunno what to say , u know i was really happy on mon n hope to be like that forever but with his this kinda new attitude n habit i think we wont be as happy as last time kua haihz, i shall just keep quiet next time, i really wanna cry di , starting to be emo , so better sign out now
byez

sadness ....

u know , maybe one day i'll really be used to it n dun care anymore , i'm really damn hurt , i really dunno what to say or what to do , how i wish if there's someone to be there for me , to talk to me . i miss heung ling , talking bout heung ling , i must say sorry to lisa , i didnt reply ur message yesterday coz i need to go for my cousin's birthday party , i apologise here ya as u have my blog address n always read my bloggie really sorry , i reply u now here k , btw , u said u're gonna change account rite then remember add me wor so that i can know how's ur sister n her bf in australia , how r they ? r they staying together ?i guess heung ling will be damn happy as she was hoping to stay toether with him quite long already , hehehe, yup n that day i talked to Racheal n she told me that her bf actually asked her to engage with him right after their degree , is it ? i mean it is true ?if that's true then help me to congrats ur sis !! her dream came true !! hehehehe , tell her this , dont merajuk n complain so much that she's so unlucky wor k ? the next time i talk to her i want to see that she's happy with her life n her "fiance" n not complaining that she's unlucky n etc k? i'll smack her if i hear that from her again , n help me to answer her question , i''m still with edwin now but maybe he'll dump me soon kua , lol , haihz , dont tell her the dump thingy k , if not then she'll complain bout him again .well , i just realised , this new post sounds more like an email then new post for blog , but what to do ,all lisa's fault, that day u just told me that u're changing msn acc n hp num,ask me to delete it n asked me few question , didnt tell me ur new number n msn acc , so bad ! so forgetful !, if u read this post then pls pls sms me , remmeber to give me ur new acc but i think it's better to add me ,i lazy wann add n also give me ur new num as i still got lotsa question to ask n wanna know more bout ur sis's lifen dont wanna talk bout so much thing here , she'll kill me . pls remind ur sis to add me n u can give her my bloggie add as she asked rachael to ask for my permission to get my bloggie add . i wanna talk to her !! i miss her !! that's all .. i guesss , remember !!! ....... ok , back to my topic , hehe , my bloggie post , haihz ..Just to let other friends know who's heung ling as some of them doesnt know her . heung ling is my close friend n really close pet sis ,aha , confuse rite ? my best friend is ashley (high school friend) n my close friend is heung ling(ex dance's class friend )which is also my closest pet sis . Actually both of them , my best n close friend is lucky , ashley met boy boy at the age of 15 or 16 n last till now , sooo longg !!! heung ling met her bf at the age of 12 , n got together at the age of 14 till now !! this one longer !! her bf or fiance actually asked her to register(register as in "teng fan ") after degree !! this shows how much her bf love her .. yup , n the funniest part is ,she always complain to me bout her bf n how bad he is n etc but she didnt know that actually she's damn lucky to have met him ,hehe , she's gonna kill me if she read this . Seriously , i feel happy for her as her dream to get marry to her current bf came true , not everyone is as lucky as her . :),actually since young i have this dream that's if i ever meet the guy i love the most in my teen age i hope to stick to him like mad n get married next time n i told ash bout it when i was form 1 or 2 n ashley always say that this will not happen ! see heung ling !! prove to u !! hehehe , maybe it will not happen to me but that doesnt mean it will happen to any one else including u my dear ashely . hehe , i know u feel like smacking me di . hehe . honestly , i'm not lucky in love life , i've met the guy i love the most but i dont think he'll love me forever which means my dream ..... haha .. nvm .. =) ,signing outz

he lied or what ?

he lied to me or what ? he's going for clubbing (dunno when) , and what he told me last time ? he told me that he dont like clubbing , he said will never go clubbing and now he's going to club in uk ! is he lying or what ?had he ever care bout my feeling ? all he care is his friend's feeling , pls , why am i so stupid ? can anyone tell me why am i so stupid ?!! i can care bout his feeling until i cant dont listen to my friend and made them angry but whatever , forget it , i really wanna know why must i suffer ?! all the while i'm loyal in relationship but i just dont the guy that's meant for me , especially in this relationship , i'm just so cheap , :'( , no knows how i feels , u know , when u met someone and u thought u're meant for each other and really trust whatever he said n end up knowing that you actualy trusted the wrong person , u just feel so damn cheap . No one knows how i feels , i really did lotsa things for this relationship (willingly ), hoping that it wll last n we will remain loving like last time n end up like this . just i kinda piss him off n u know what he said ? i wont come online forever n see whether who will be san fu ,i can tell u that this prove that he's not san fu , he come online just because i want not because he wants to talk to me , u know i really miss those days that he really care bout me n all , i really felt damn happy , ham fook , he was there for me when i need houlder to lean on , when i need ppl to talk to n etc , he was there to sayang me n manja me n etc, altho we quarrel alot but i was really damn happy n ham fook that time , my happiest moment is last year n early this year till sept ,that's the happiest moment in my life that's really unforgetabble , maybe now he dont love me as much last time anymore or maybe he fall in love for other gurl n etc , maybe he's gonna dumo me soon , i'm cheap , i really feel damn heart broken, really very heart broken , :'( signing outz

confused

well ,i'm really confuse , confuse bout whether am i insecure or not , sometimes when i'm sad , angry or disappointed , i'll feel insecure but this feeling will go after few hours , it will not last , haihz, whenever i feel cared n loved then i will not feel insecure but when he make me simply think i'll feel insecure like mad, haihz , really confused . Main reason why i always feel insecure is because he fail to prove to me that he'll love me forever . he failed to prove to me that no matter what happen he will not dump me , he failed to prove to me that if one day a pretty gurl with nice body likes him or approach him also he will not care bout her n will not dump me for her . haihz, i just want him to prove to me that no matter what happen alsohe will not dump me , no matter what kinda gurl liks or loves him also he will still love me as much as last or more n will not dump me . Haihz , well , sometimes i felt that he dont really care bout me but sometimes he made me feel that he still care for me ,sometimes i feel loved n sometimes i dont , haihz.saddie .. he's the guy that made me let go bout gim howe , i can let go n not regret bout it anymore is because he made me feel that there r still better guys in this world , that time we were just friends , he told bout how he treat his ex n etc , he proved to me that there r still lotsa better guys n i shouldnt regret bout breaking up with gim . He really made me felt damn happy when we were friends n after we couple . He gave me ham fook-ness , happiness ,n wtc . In this one and a half year i actually felt very happy n ham fook ,my love for him increases day by day , He's really very important to me , he plays a very important part in my life apart from my family .. really, ican tell u ppl honestly , i cannot lose him , i love him too much to lose him , no matter what kinda guy appear in my life also i will not care or even bother to talk to any guy coz to me i thinks that i've already found the person i'll love forever so there's no need or no reason for me to layan other guys anymore except for classmates(if necessary ) n family . Lisa n sarah asked me one same question,u will not layan that guy even tho he's rich , handsome , cute , treat u better or damn smart ,u will not layan him even if he's a perfect guy? my answer is , i will if i'm last time's shin jiun but not now , i think that i've already found the right wan n if i've already found the right wan i'll only stick to him n will not leave him unless he wants to dump me n to me, whether is he handsome , cute, rich or smart doesnt matter to me , all i want n hope for is , he sayang me like mad , treat me damn good , care for me, love me , will love me forever will not btray or dump me . if he can assure me that he can fulfil all that it's already good enough. he's my dream guy , to me he's perfect , n he's my ideal guy if he can really assure me that he can do all that . , . Majority of my friends will say this"u think like that doesnt mean that he thinks the same too " i know , but i really cant help it , if u ask me not tobe serious in this relationship , not to be loyal to him i can tell u i'm sorry , i cant do that , i love him too much alredy ,i always hope that he'll be my future husband , i know he might not think like that , i cant read his mind , i know but it's ok . haihz , i'm starting to be emo , gonna stop now , i dont wanna cry cry , nites , signing outz !!

...

last week i felt that there's a gap between us , we 're not as close as last time , not as loving as last time, haihz, i told myself that i'm thinking too much so i didnt really care bout this prob , but now this feeling is getting stronger n stronger , haihz, am i demanding too much ? i really wanna know the answer , i expect him to talk to me one hour or maybe one half hour a day at my 5 am which is his 10 pm everyday , am i demanding too much by expecting that , besides that i expect him to treat me as good as last time , am i demanding too much?friends , pls be honest , am i being too demanding ? u know , just now i watched tv and there's a show , named , fire challenge , there are two guys that loves this women n want her to be their gf , she dunno who to choose therefore they end up in that show , she wants some comment from those ppl which is known as reasonable man or can also be considered as" judges" in that show , they 'll ask each other question tell the so call judges what happen n all then the judges will give her some comment bout the both men ,there are two men , one is employed n his income can support the women n the children n hid looks is ok , not ugly fat or look nerd or anything , whereas the other men , he dress very" lau sau " earn very little income , can say not enough for himself , dress till nerd nerd , act nerd nerd n quite fat , basically , if compare outlook n who is richer , the other guy would be better as the income he earn is more than enough to support the women n also outlook is presentable which mean ok , not ugly , but the other is the total opposite , altho he's poor ,act nerd nerd , dress nerd nerd buthe had been there for her n loves her for EIGHT years already , this women had been in a marriage for two times but end up divorce n she has two children , in this eight years , whenever she sad , whenever she need anyone to talk to or etc , this poor guy had always been there for her , there to comfort her , sayang her n etc , whereas she only got to know the better looking guy for one year in ktv . do u know who she chose in the end of that show , she chose the better looking guy as he can support her n the two children n also because he's better looking . i was quite shock n pity that poor guy.he had been there for her for EIGHT years , love her with all his heart for EIGHT years n this is what he got,.what is this ?! this gurl actually was touched by the guy n told he guy that if he's willing to let go his dream of being a singer n start to find a safe job n stop being a nerd then she might give him a chance n this guy didnt want to change as he doesnt wanna let go his dream .she was touched !! but in the end she chose the other guy which is outlook n income is better than the guy n not the guy that she had feelings for , not the guy that she loves . actually i was thinking whether will edwin be like this women , i put 100% hope in this relationship as i know that i really love n will not leave him no matter what happen but is he thinking the same as me? if next time he meets a better gurl , pretty n have a nice body n treat him quite good n also likes him ,will he dump me for her? i keep thinking bout this , what if he really does ?i know he's loyal but he's in uk now ,a person can change because of the ppl around him n also because of environment . Haihz, last time i was a lil in love withthis guy named gim howe , we broke up for some reason n it took me more than three years to forget bout him n do u know who's the person that makes me forget bout him ?it's edwin , after i broke up with gim howe i did accept other guy bt all the guys fail to make me forget bout him as i dont have the feeling that there's a better guy than gim howe , but edwin somehow made me feel that there's actually a much better guy than gim howe in this world. when we were friends he told me how he treat his ex n how his ex treat him n there's a feeling telling me that he's a very good bf , way better than gim howe n he is . he mean alot to me , he plays a very important role inmy life besides my family , i really hope to last forever with him but can we ? it's not up to me to decide as relationship is two person's thing , if one daythere's a pretty gurl with a perfect body likes him n approach him , will he dump me for her ?i'm really very worry , i love him with all my heart , put 100% hope in this relationship , be damn loyal to him , n if one day he really change his mind to go for a better gurl , i wonder what will happen to me , haihz , .actually before he leave malaysia , i was hoping for him to prove to me that nomatter what kinda gurl or how perfect she is also he will not dump me for her n will love me forever no matter what happen but he didnt , that's the reason why i'm so emo after he left malaysia n why i'm alwasy insecure , haihz , :'( ,really damn emo , emo till i cant rephrase my sentence properly haihz ,my post is full with broken english , really have blog with proper english di , haihz , damn emo !! signing outz

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today , 6th of october 2007 , 6.16 am , i woke so early because he's suppose to talk to me now as in webcam , n when i call n asked him why still havent go online yet , he said , his friends party still havent finish , still need to wait for another 2 hours , ya , so he can flirt for extra 2 hours rite ? haihz , this is the reason why all the while i'm insecure , he said he wont n see now , what happen ? haihz , i real cannot accept lo , why must i suffer? why all the time i must be the one crying n sad when he's having his great n hapy time flirting , talking to gurls , n etc ? u know, haihz , i really dunnno what to say , all i can say is why am i so angryn damn saf ? ppl just treating u as a gf , ppl still have a wide choice , he stll can choose the gurl that he love, haihz i' already trying my best to be a good gf , hoping for this relationship to last foerever as compared to past 5 relayionship, haihz , maybe after all we'renot mean for each other which means i'm cheap , haihz , anything la , signing outz

emoness of life

do u think we can last? i kept thinking bout this ,just now roxanne was telling me bout jennifer's sister , she told me that jen's sis had already registered n moved to ireland with her fiance as her fiance pratice doctor there , they had already been together for more almost 10 years. They couple since 15 years old till now which is 25 years old , according to her, jen's sis fiance sayang her like mad . well .. honestly when i heard that i asked myself this question , will he be like jen's sis fiance ? can we last like them ? i'm really envy them , i really wanna be like them as i really love him , love him like mad . i know he does love me but whether will it last i really dunno whether will he love forever . we talk everyday , as in webcam , but we're likeno topic to talk bout , he gave me the feeling that our relationship is having a gap , as in we're not as close as last time anymore , u know , i really very worry bout this , haihz , i dont wanna tell him as i know that he's already having lotsa stress n pressure ,i dont wanna add burden on him , i have no one to turn to coz i dont trust my friends , that's y i have no choice but to blog it here , haihz , it ha already been few weeks since he left malaysia , but i'm till not used to life without him . why ?
why?! haihz , i just got my assignment , got lotsa homework to finish n i cry almost every nite , haihz , damn stressful , haihz , i'm gonna be crazy soon , very soon , ireally dunno why but i can feel that our relationship is not as good as last time anymore, can we last ? will he dump me ? haihz , you know i do trust him , 100 %, but i dont know why i just have that kinda feeling , n this feeling is bugging me ,haihz ,:'( , so sad ,today , 5th of octiber , is my brother's birthday , he was damn happy , he celebrate his birthday with his gf , when he came back , he told me how happy he is n etc , when i hear that he said "this year's birthday is the happiest birthday i've ever had coz i celebrate with my gf " this reminds me bout how happy i was last year , i mean on my birthday , too bad , this year the person that i really love cant celeebrate my bday with me , basiclly this year's bday is not meaning ful to me , not at all , haihz , saddie , too emo , signind outz

what kind of stupid friends do i have ?

i really didnt expect my friends to do that , my ex classmates are doing that to me !! they asked my bf to dump me !well , when i heard that from a friend , i was quite hurt , should say very hurting , really unexpected , how can theydo this to me ? i'm their friend!!! haihz , you know what , from today onwards they're not my friends anymore coz i really dont wanna have this kinda stupid n useless friend , whether will edwin dump me i really dont know ,honestly all the while i thought he wont , i used to thinks that he wont , but now i really dunno , if he really dump me one day then i will be very disappointed with him coz irresponsible and also he's not keeping his promise, but definitely i wont stop him from doing that , IF one day he really dump me it means that i'm already damn "cheap " n why would i wanna do such things to make myself look cheaper ? yup , i will not stop him from dumping me if he feels like doing that , all i can say is , i trust the wrong person , definitely i hope he wont , but really very hard to say , his friends are asking him to do that , uk got lotsa better gurls for him to choose , n etc . the big probem is my whole family , as in really all of them includong parents n grandmother already know bout it and almost all of them have met him , if one day he really dump me , my whole family especially my parents will worry bout me as they knew that i'm very in love with my current bf, they knew that i cant take stress n etc , haihz , u know ever since he left , my life had been damn stressful , if one day he really dump me , i really dunno what will happen to me , i really love him very much , infinity , as i know , ever since he went uk i have already learning to be considerate n understanding as i know that this is what i'm lack of .so , basically i'm in the process of learing to be considerate n understanding , lol , haihz , you know , actually i cant feel his care since last week , i'm not saying that he must care for me , i understand , he needs to settle down , my point is , does he still love me as much as last time , haihz i really damn emo now lo , how ? can anyone help me ? can anyone teach me how or what to do ? i care for him so much n this is what my friends ask him to do ,n he also said that he everytime also thinks that i'm fan , u know , actually this is very hurting , i care for him , his health , his safety n etc n he thinks that i'm fan , what happen to me ?! why am i doing all this , since he said that , should i just dont care bout him ? as in dont call n fan him ,dont restict him from doing anything just because i thinks that it's bad for health n etc , haihz , i really dunno , u knoe i really feel like crying like mad now , i've done so many things for him n this is what i get, my friends asking him to dump me , he thinks that i'm fan , i think this relationship might end soon since he's thinking like this, i'mreally doing my best to be a good gf ,i care for him , try avoiding thigs that will make him unhappy , gave him what he wants n etc , haihz , i dunno la , i damn emo now , i just want my bf to sayang me , care for me , i want to know that my bf love me , wanna feel loved ,is that wrong? i know he did all that but ... haihz , i really dunno la , i really feel like cryong di ,i have no one to turn to now cpz i dont want to get the person that told me what my friends had said into trouble therefore it's better to blog bout it here asnot many friens have my blog add , why life has to be so miserable this year n so nice for last year :'( very emo , signing outz

i miss him very very very much

i really miss him very very very much , everyday i pray for time to pass faster , but time seems to pass very slow , today we chat thru msn at 5 am (Malaysia time ) which is uk , 10 pm ,we webcam , i was very happy coz this is the first time he webbie since the day he left to uk , u know , when i saw him , i was very very happy n at the same time ireally feel like cryng on the spot coz i really really really miss him very very much but luckily i didnt , i control like mad , we end the conversation at 6.40 something am . there's even stronger feeling wanna cry but cannot coz i have to go uni , n my father was waiting for me in the living room so i have to control, i went to uni , i'm damn sad n emo but i have to act happy till now , so everything burst out now , haihz, today in uni i concentrate like mad , why ? main reason is bcoz i wanna keep myself busy so i wont think of him n cry , second reason is bcoz he webbie with me , i felt very happy. it've already been one week since he left but why am i still crying like mad ? why am i still not used to it ?, u know , last time , before he appear in my life , i tend to worry bout lotsa things , n my life wasnt that happy , but ever since he appear i stopped worrying bout all sort of nonsense , why ? it's because of him , he made me happy everyday , made me laugh every day , be there for me whenever i need someone to talk to , n i dont need to care whether eill he tell out , dont ask me why i really dunno why , i just dunno why i trust him , i feels that he's the only person i can keep my secret with , no one else , no one in this world can be trusted except for him ,honestly , whenever i feels sad , emo or etc, i really wanna talk to someone , i got so many msn contact that's online ( all gurls except cousin brother ) but i just dont wanna tell them , i feel very insecure telling them bout how i feel , what sum si i have n etc ,but last time when i wanted to tell edwin bout any sum si i have i can just tell straight without the need to think so much n worry or feeling insecure .so basically he's my bf n also my best friends n also brother , he is my best friends because i can really talk bout anything to him , even tho my sum si without the need to think so much , he is also my brother because he reallt care for me n sayang me like mad , unlike now , i felt that no one sayan g me , no one to talk bout my sum si coz i dont trust my friends , i got backstab by friends before so amny times so now i dare not trust any one except my baby , u know , today i saw my friend in the playground near my grandmother's house , i was accompanying my cousins(0baby cousin to playground n i saw her with one guy , i didnt walk to her n say hi but instead she walk up to me n said hi , then she told the guy my name , bout my bf is in uk , n ahe also told him how i treat my bf , what i did , what i promise n all , then the insane guy said"wow , can i have ur num ? ur my ideal gf , can we be friends? at first i didnt wanna answer but then he's my friend's friend so just answer for the sake of respecting my friend, i told him "i'm not interested in knowing any guy , i've already found the guy i'll love forever n i just want to talk to him , see him n know bout him , that's all , no one else , then he was like " erm ,vicky (my girl friend) ur friend is a good gf but not a good friend"i didnt care , so before he walk away he said "excuse me vicky's friend , dont be so naive , no guys can ever be so loyal to u , he might betray u one day , u dunno what is he doing there , even if he flirts also u wont know ,he can just lie to u n say he didnt flirts n etc , altho i dont like u as a friend but i thinks that u're really a good gf , you can hardly find a gurl like u ,so i'm just telling u this to warn u so u wont be hurt by him , nothing else , not with any intention , i have a gf n she's a totally different person than u , i wanted to be friends with u because i really admire ur loyalty n hope my gf can learn from u , that's all , i'm sorry if there's any misunderstanding , then i said "it's ok , whether do u have any intention is non of my business , all i know is i'm not interested to talk to any strangers especially guys unless necessary n fyi , u might thinks that no guys can ever be loyal to a gurl but not me , u've never met my bf before so u have no right to say that he's not loyal to me or can never be loyal to me , to me he's very loyal n he's the best guy that i've ever met , then he walks away without saying anything n he looked damn pissed . my scolded me for being so rude to him , haihz , am i rude ? i dont think so , i just telling him the truth , if i'm rude then what is he ? he said no guys can ever be loyal to me ,he's indirectly insulting my bf n my taste , isnt he's the one being rude ? why me ? btw , my point here is , i'm really confused with my feelings , just now i can just tell the whoever fella that he's very loyal to me but then why am i worry that he'll betray me if i know that he's loyal to me?why am i scared n damn worry that he'll dumo me one day ? haihz , can anyone answer my question ? i think my question will remain unanswered till the day i meet him , haihz seriously damn damn damn confused , haihz , u know i really love my bf like mad n the best part is i dunno why i lovehim so much !! i've never ever love a person till this extent , i can even pissed the good looking guy (according to my friend he's good looking,i didnt really look at him coz was busy looking at my cousins playing , scared they get lost or kena kidnapped like the Nurin's caseso i dunno n not interested to know) just because i thinks that he's kinda insulting my bf , u can see how important is him to me ? i really dunno what would happen to me if he rally dump me one day , i know he's loyal , but problem is , why i am so worried when i know that he's loyal ? honestly , will he dump me ? i really wanna know the answer but i think he wont answer me coz he dont read my blog , so i think he dont even know bout this question ,, lol , haihz , i really miss him like mad , miss those happy days , altho there are days where we quarrel like mad but i dont mind , to me , as long as he's by my side i'll feel happy , safe n a lil secure (hmm maybe more than a lil )n most important is when he's by my side ,i'll be damn happy , my life will be very colourful , unlike now , so plain , with him in my life ireally feel very happy , but withou him in my life , i feels very lonely , living with worries , haihz , sad case , signing outz

not used to life without edwin

well , it had already been one week since edwin left to uk , n i'm still not used to life without him ,haihz ,i'm still waiting for his messages altho i know that he wont message me as he's not using the maxis num anymore n also because of international roaming , i knew that he wont call or message me anymore , but i really dunno why i still keep looking at the handphone every minute (when i'm free), honestly , i feel damn san fu , i thought if he go uk i can study n concentrate better but now i kknow i'm wrong coz i cant concentrate at all , worry time when i start studying , i'll think of him coz i miss him very vry very much then i'll cry then i'll be sad n emo the whole day , haihz , it really affect my studies , haihz , u know , now i'm worry bout lots of things , worry bout i cant get the 50 % to go uk , worry bout my studies , worry bout my assignment , worry bout exams , worry bout edwin , worry bout ... haihz ,, dunno la ,tons of things to worry bout , but my main concern is edwin n my studies ,haihz.life for mr now is damn stressful , i really miss days when edwin n i go the same college , same law lecture , miss sitting beside of him , miss talking to him , miss smacking him (hehe), miss calling him all sort of names , miss hugging him ,miss kissing him , miss disturbing him n etc ,haihz , so sad ,dream of him every nite , whenever i see those loving couple i'l think back bout last time then will cry n miss him like mad , so saddie, haihz , really not used to it , i miss him very very very much , i love him like mad , i desperately want him now!!hahaha , michelle sound so desperate nowadays rite , haihz , what to do , i miss him n really worry bout him , i realise that he dont really know how to tke care himself , always fall sick , always drink beer, haihz , really worry that he'll fall sick !! worry like mad , haihz

sadness of life

well , firstly , i wanna say thanks to all my girl friends that kept advising me on the same things ya , but i'm very sorry that i didnt listen to u gurls ,i know i'm stupid for doing such things but i cant help it , like what ashley said i'm too attached to him n too in love , all of my friends have been advising me on the same things , gurl , keep ur options wide in case he betray u n when i tell them that i'm not talking to guys coz of him then they'll ask "did he promise the same thing?" n when i say no then they'll start scolding me , n kept asking me why so stupid? or omg ! what has gone into u ?! , well , like what ashley said , i've establish what ppl used to say , that is , "love is blind" , some friends said , hey , u should go flirt lke mad now k ! come on ,if u gurls know me well enough then u should know what kind of gurl i am , i'll be loyal to the guy if i'm damn in love n if i know that this relationship can last ,so stop advising me or scolding for rejecting ur offer which is intro guys to me , i'm sorry to be rude , i mean it's very nice of u to dothat but i'm seriously not interested so stop doing things that i dont like , i'll have fan kam towards u gurls wan, i'm sorry , hope those gurls wont be angry , i know i'm stupid , ash , i'm sorry for saying that k ? this is what happen , ash said the same thing , then i told her i wont talk to any guys , then she ask " even if tommycome n talk to u , u'll walk away , then i said "i'm sorry but that's what will happen , exception are only for classmates who's in the same group for assignment n family members , that's all " i'm really very very sorry ash , i know i'm very bad but i'm just being honest to u ,i'm sorry , hope u dont mind or dont get angry ya , really very sorry.It's 1.20 am now , i'm still waiting for him to come online or for his email , yesterday he said he'll come online tonight so i start waiting since 10 am till now , 1.22 am , but he didnt come online , my mum also know that i'vebeen waiting for him for the whole day di , then she said "gurl , dont be sad k ?if he has u in his heart , no matter what also he'll try his best to message u , i really wanna cry on the spot di but luckily i didnt , haihz , i knew that he wont come online but why am i so stupid still wait , i was in my room my room the whole day, haihz , i'm really very sad , very san fu . why did i encourage him to go uk ?!haihz i just wanna concentrate in my studies n dun wanna be selfish , am i wrong for doing that ? if not then why am i suffering like mad now ?i think he must be having his fun time of his life , haihz , what's wrong with me ?i kept looking at my hp today altho i knew that he wont message me , when i sleep i put the hp beside
of me,n this morning when pui yee n lai yin message me i was so happy n faster take my hp n read the message but it's not him , i knew that he wont message me but why am i being so stupid ?! like , everyone that sign in i tot it was him n faster check but it's not ,it's my girl friends n brother , haihz , no one knows how i feel , i'm reallydamn san fu , damn sad , damn disappointed ,surprisinly i'm not angry at him , maybe he's too busy with his life there , i'll wait , I MISS HIM LIKE MAD !!!!!! haihz , can anyone help me ?! haihz , i'm crying everyday ,n i cried in front of my brother !! so embarasing !!!this is so bad n san fu ,i have no mood to do anything including my homework , i just hope it wont affect mu studies , haihz , guess , that's all for now , damn emo di , a step away from crying , i think i'll fall in love with sleeping soon , know why ? coz i dream of him everytime i sleep , dream of him sayang-ing me , manja-ing me , so sweet , so ham fook n happy but no matter what i stillhave to wake up n when i wake up all i do is cry ! haihz , what's wrong with me ?! guess it's time to sleep , signing out

why must he lie to me ?!

just now, i just updated a blog telling that how sad am i n bout my plan to distub my brother n also to make myself happy?guess what ? this plan didnt make me happy at all ,but made me more emo n sad , this is what happened , i signed in to his msn , n was finding for my brother's contact in his msn , i found , it's under the category of other contact , i found his contact n under his contact is someone's contact , guess whose contact , haihz , it's mui yit's contact , he said he deleted her contact di , this is the second time he lie to me , he swear that he wont lie bout this di anymore , i trust him , n this is what happen , whether did he talk to her i really dunno , i just know that he didnt delete her contact , if he wanna talk to her then why don be honest to me?! why must lie ?! yesterday he told bout something related to not being honest but i have forgivven him on the spot , at least he still tells me , at least its not i find out myself , haihz ,, this one i really dunno la , haihz , i told my brother bout my plan n what i found out, he came into my room n told me that edwin's online , he said "i messaged me but he didnt reply n went offline then i told him it's me then i told him what i found out , he said tai sei because i wanna disturb him , so bad , haihz ,i really regret signing to his msn , maybe i shouldnt have even think of playing my brother, i really very confuse , very sad , of all , why i must find out bout all this now ?! why ?! why must he do this to me ? why when i trust him he wanna do this to me ? i really wanna ask him , i'm not angry , not insecure yet ,i'm just waiting forhis explanation , i really hope he wont lie anymore

life without edwin

well , i dreamt of him , i dream of him sayang-ing me , then i sleep on his lap ., then i woke , n i cry cry like mad , i really miss him very much , you know , today the whole day i was damn emo ,haihz , sadness of life , u know , the worst part is i'm damn sum thung n haveto act as if i'm ok , act asif i'm happy , reallyreally very san fu , in front of everyone i was laughing n smile n etc but when i'm in the room , i cry , haihz , today i kept looking at the phone , haihz , i'm not used to it , haihz , saddie ,i'm really very sad, haihz , thanks for those who advise me , my cousin , raymond n stephanie ,friends, lai yin , ashley , hsei di , thanks alot , but ur advise dont work on me , haihz , all the while i tot i can accept that he's leaving me for few months , all the time i thought i'm mentally strong but i'm wrong , haihz , sad case , even my mum also realise there's something wrong me , kept on advising me , i really miss him very much , know what ? today morning , my brother kept asking me whether he reach uk di , i said i dunno , why dont u ask him when he's online ,hehehehe , know what i plan to dosomething to make myself happy that is pretend to be edwin n talk to my brother then tell him that i'm his sister then definitely it will be damn fun , hehehe , i got edwin's password hehehehe , darling , if u read this , i'm sorry ya, for signing in to ur msn without permission hehehe !! hahahaha !!! heheheheh signing outz 1 wanna go disturb my brother , hehe what a good plan ,hehehe , bye!

emoness of life

today is 15th of september 2007 , my baby is leaving malaysia at 2.00 am , it's 1.32 am now , he just called n told me that he's going on into the plane , guess he's already in the plane n preparing to fly , haihz , i really feel very sum thung now , i dont know why but i really cannot accept that he's leaving m'sia tonight and leaving me alone for nine months , i'm just too dependant on him , i really dunno what life will be without him in my life , dunno what life would be without his sayang , hugs , kissesand etc , haihz , i'm really damn emo now , damn sad , damn sum thung , i hope he'll remember what he had promised me today really really hope he'll remember n also dont break the promises , dont betray my trust , and dont betray me , i really hope he'll love me forever , honestly , before this i didnt trust him but after today i think i'll trust him because that's the only thing i can do n feel a little secure back because he said he'll webbie with me this year would be saddest year in my life coz edwin n i will be separated far apart from each other for nine months ,my life for this nine month will be back like usual , plain n boring life , i really hope nine months will pass faster so my life would not be plain but full of colours , darling , i know u sayang me very very very much , i knowu do cherish me , i know u're damn loyal to me , i know , i just really really hope none of this will change or decreases after nine months , i dont mind if it's getting more n more but not decrease , especially ur love for me , k? if u read my blog then answer me ! it's a must ! darling , i love u forever , i promised , with everyone reading this blog witness my promise , i, michelle yee shin jiun , promise that i'll be damn damn loyal to u , will not betray or break any one of ur promise , i hope u'll do the same too , i trust , 100 % trust that our relationship can last forver , trust that no matter what happen also , it wont affect our relationship , dont betray my trust k ? altho we're far apart from each other it's ok , like what u said , altho u're not here for me n i'm not there for u , we'll never be lonely . why ? because ur heart n love is here to accompany me for the next nine months and my love n heart is there for u to accompany u for this nine months , i really really really hope u wont betray me ,n i trust u , remember what u've promised k ? darling , i love u forever , i'll miss u always , i'll think of u everyday .., remember , drink more water , n must lead a healthy life , if not then i sad sad , it's already 2.05 am , i think he's leaving m'sia now , love u forver u baby , signing outz

i love him very very much ..

i'm really very sad , he'll be leaving tomorrow , at night , haihz , i've been crying like mad since yesterday ,i think today i cried more than yesterday , i really cannot control , i cry once i woke up , cry when i was doing something , cry in the car n also now , i really dunno what i want , but i really cannot help it , can anyone help me ? i really feel very sum thung .. we're gonna be damn far apart from each other , i'll miss his hugs , kisses , sayang ness , his love and care , his jokes , his cute cartoon face , miss teasing each other , miss everything !!! i really dunno how to live without him being here for me , i still remember that i cry like mad when broke up with gim howe, now i cry worst then when i broke up with gim howe , so saddie , i really loves him like mad , well , i'm not the only one that cries , edwin also cry , hehe , he cried when we were talking on the phone , hahaha , well , when i knew that he was crying because of me , i really feel very touch n also unbelievable ,no guy had ever done that to me before , u know , he made me lose trust on him two days ago , and what happen today actually made me trust him back , but not fully trust , i know he love me very much ,i feel insecure n lose trust on him is only because i scared he'll fall in love with outher gurl n dump me , i really dunno what will happen to me if this really happen , i know that he's very loyal but he can change rite ? haihz .. i really dunno , i think the best way is to take it as a test , if we're meant together , nomatter what happen also cant affect our love n relationship , but if we're not meant for eachother then no matter how u force alsowill sure break up , that's all for today , signing out

sadness of life

My bf is leaving to uk on the 15th of september 2007 which is this coming sat , he told me today , evening , around five or six something , i guess , not very sure bout the time he called coz i was sleeping , when i answered the call he told me that he'll be leaving on the 15th , i felt damn damn sad , i felt like crying on the spot but i can't because i was talking to him , n after the call ended , i cried , cried like mad , was crying non stop , trying to stop myself from crying so long coz my eyes hurts but cant , i really cannot control myelf ,i've been damn emo the whole day , he called me just now , around 12.14 am , he talked bout he'll miss me n etc , when he talked bout this my tears roll down on my face , i cried again , he doesnt know that i cried while talking to him coz i manage to control my voice , control my voice as in try to sound like normal , coz i dont want him to know , i dont know why i just cannot control myself , i know that i pissed him off just now but i really cant help it coz i cant control myself !i hope he'll understand , well , after he end the call , i feel damn bad for treating him so bad , i really didnt mean to be so bad , just that i love him too much , haihz ,, i dunno why but i really feel damn damn damn "san fu " i've been crying like mad , very emo , very sad and very insecure today , haihz ,, dear friends , if i ever talk rudely to any of u i hope u can forgive me because i think i'll be damn emo for this few months , but dont worry , i'l try to control myself , haihz u know , i feel very sorry for treating my baby like that , i felt bad n sad for treating him like that , i really wanna say sorry to him but i'm not sure if i'll talk to him like that again tomorrow , haihz , i'll try to control myself also , i really feel damn sumthung , from next week onwards there's no one will always sayang me , no one will kiss my fore head , no one will lend me their shoulder to lean on when i need it , no one will make me happy , no one will make me laugh , smile , n feel lum , and most important of all no one will talk to me like how he do , u know , i really really will miss him like mad , altho one n half year isnot long but i really felt extremely happy , my life had change from a normal life to a life full of colours , like rainbow , full of happiness , full of ham fook ness , n etc . i'm really not sure whether will he love me forever , not sure whther will we be as ham fook, happy as now nor will he dump me , but one thing for sure that is my feelings for him will can never decrease , my feeling for him can never change no matter what happen because he's the the best bf or guy that i've ever met in my life , i really love him very very much ,, infinity .. i'll love him forver n ever n will miss him always , everyday , every hour , every minute n every second , signing out

cont ...

well .. i'm damn insecure n he's doing soething that'll made me even more insecure !!! i'm just so sad !!!! i really dunno what he wants , what he think n etc ,, maybe he just think that it's not worth sacrifice anything for me , guess i'm the only stupid person , i'm very very sad , very san fu .. can anyone help me ?haihz ,, no one will understand

will he love me forever ?

will he love me forever? he said he will , if i'm last time michelle i wont trust but surprisingly i trusted him , now i'm doubting bout this , we quarreled today .. for some reasons , today i was damn happy and excited after finishing class coz he'll be meeting me after class for studio picture ,my friends , ex classmates had last gathering today all of sudden , they told me and i was like "hmmm , i'm sorry , i'm going out with my darling " and one of my friend was like , "this is the last gathering di wor coz everyone is going to uk soon , i told her i'm really sorry coz my bf is going to uk soon also so i really wanna go out with him more , then she was like .. hmm ok ... well , i thought it will be a fun n happy day but once i got into the car , he talks till damn fierce but he wasnt scolding me , but bad mood , he said it's not my fault , not because of me , but i think it 's , he was controling himself , broke my promise today for controling himself , i didnt say anything coz i know he's in the bad mood , dont wanna make it worst ,so after that we talk eat n etc , i thought it's ok already but i was wrong,he talk damn fierce to me again coz i'm wearing heels n wearing revealing ,this time i really felt extremely sad , i wanted to cry but i told myself that i cannot cry, n i didnt , then he said he'll be going to pyramid alone n it made me even sadder , i just wanna see him longer , today might be the last day for us seeing each other n i thought it'll be a great n happy day but i was wrong , it's a very sad day , i reach home , really wanna burst out and cry but i cant , my mum n dad is at home , they might suddenly come into my room, i dont want my mum to think that he's not a good bf, i told her that he's a very perfect bf , i'm very insecure , simply thinking every night, i told him that i'm very insecure today but he didnt seems to care , after fetching me home , he just sent me one message which is "reply me if u want to talk " i was like omg ! u didnt pujuk me, u know , i feel extremely insecure, i got a really strong feeling that he really wanna dump me or will dump me soon , if this really happen i cannot blame anyone , i'm the only one to be blame , everyone told me not to trust my bf coz guys cannot be trusted , even i think the same too , (last time only ) but i trusted him , n this is the first time i trust a guy coz i thought he'll realy love me forever , will cherish me , sayang me like mad no matter what happen , haihz i thought if i love him with all my heart , be damn loyal to him then this relationship will last forver , maybe i'm wrong , i really dunno but i'm damn insecure n have a strong feeling that he'll dump me soon , haihz , i think i wont be telling him this , no use , he wont do snything with it, he thinks that i'm putting more pressure n burden on him coz his mum n preparing for him already made him damn fan , so shut up is the best way.haihz , he didnt really care when i told him i was insecure , didnt pujuk me when i'm sad , honestly , am i being demanding for expecting all this , if yes , pls do tell me , message me n tell me , only gurls can message ! signing out

emo post ..

hmm .. well .. my bf will be going to overseas on the 10th of september .. alot of people have beed telling me that long distance relationship wont work .. i dont trust .. i'll prove to them that it works .. but it's all depend on the guy .. if the guy is loyal i'm sure it'll last .. to me , i think i'm a loyal gf(only if the guy is loyal ) , although i'm the one that dump the previous 5 ex , but it's not my fault , i didnt dump them because i fall for someone else or no feeling for them anymore n all .. i admit that i'm the one always dump my ex but bear in mind , altho i always dump , i'm the one always sad .. last time i'm always thinking over the same old topic.. when will i find my true love ? i'm the person that's very serious when it comes to relationship , i hate ppl playing around with love n relationship so i'll never be one of them .. i always think , when will i find my true love ? i've been thinking bout this topic since form 3 (2003) till i'm in college (2006 ) i stop thinking bout this ever since i'm in love with my current bf , Edwin , he cherish me , loves me, care for me , n sometimes willing to sacrifice for me (hmm .. not all the thing ) , he's a step away to a perfect bf , a step away to my ideal bf , ideal husband , ideal guy ,last time i used to think that he's my true love , but now i'm really really very worry , i always think whether is he my true love , i want someone to assure me !!, i dont know why ? but i think it's just because i'm simply thinking .. i put all my hope in this relationship , 100% hope .. if one day he really dump me i really dont know what will happen to me? really .. maybe some unpredictablethings will happen .. i used to think that no guys can ever make a gurl cant live without them .. n if yes , i think that this is very stupid , i think now i'm the stupid one .. i realise i really cant without him ..
u know .. i really dont feel like posting this in my blog bout this but i really dont wanna keep everything in my heart , so i decided to post it , well it's ok coz i just gave a few ppl my blog address .. just now i keep thinking , if he never appear in my life what would my life be like , the answer is i'll never be as happy as i'm last time , the times when i was in college n now .. altho recentlyi'm very sad because he's leaving to uk soon but at times i feel very happy , i really dunnno whether will we still be as ham fook n happy as now after he leave and in the future.. u know, everydayi hope n pray that he's my true love .. i really wanna be with him forver n ever coz my life had changed since the day he appear in my life , i start to feel ham fook , start to understand the real meaning of happiness .. he really change my thinking towards love n relationship , change my life , he's there when i need shoulder to lean , he's there when i need him .. he's always there for me .. whenever i cry he'll sayang me , hug me tight tight , made me feel safe , made me feel that someone is there for me whenever i got any problem ..this is the first time that i have this kinda feeling ..coz i'venever cry in front of my bf before , last time i dont trust guy ,, i dont wanna show them my weak weak side , i told myself i must look strong
(mentally) infront of any guy especially my bf .. but to him i really cant , i remember the first time i broke down n cried in front of him n the second he hugs me i felt very safe , secure , felt that someone care for me so much .. since then i start to be very very dependant on him .. last time i dont like my bf to hug me but since then i love his hugs very much , coz i can feel that it's very cmfortable , seccure when he hug me especially when i cry .. u know , in this one n a half year , he made me felt the feeling that i cant find from my five ex .. i really hope he'll be the first n the last person that can give me this kinda feeling .. .. i really love him like mad , and i'm very very worry that he'll fall for other gurl when he's in uk .. i'm very scared that one day he'll leave me .. i really dont hope this to happen , i trust him .. bu i'm just scared .. no matter what happen he'll always be the person i love the most in this world .. no matter what happen , sweet memories will always remain in my heart forever n ever .. i really hope we can last forever n ever , i'm not sure whether will we last forever n will he fall for other gurl .. but i'll try my best to make this relationship to last forever .. really damn emo nowadays , i miss him like maddie , it's already4 days of not seeing him , so saddie , he's going to uk already but not temaning me like mad , but it's ok coz understandable that he need to finish his overseas thing like the visa thingy , but sometimes i really can control myself n merajuk , but it's just all because i really tak sampai hati that's y very emo .. i just want him to teman me more but i know this can never happen coz he's too busy , haha ,, it's alreay 3.30 am , 28th of August .. time to sleep n stop crying , haha , signing out !! byez

hmm....message for stef

well ..stef .. thank for the advice k ?haha ..but rite next time dont scold me wor .. should respect me .. i'm ur cousin sis k !! .. jkjk .. actually i dont understand .. what's wrong with being loyal ? u shoulld try to change from being a playgirl to being a loyal gf k .. like me (perasannya) hehehe .. hmm .. serious la .. at least it's not ur fault if the relationship ends ma ... according to u .. u said that u dont guys to play you .. if they really do that then they just dont appreciate u .. that's all .. next time i'm sure they'll regret ma so why so scared to be loyal wor .. .. btw .. i dont think ur bf is a playboy lo .. you told me he lum u everytime u angry .. if he's playing u then do u think he's that stupid to waste money .. time to pujuk u just because u're angry .. it's not fair to him .. ppl treat u good but u treat him so lam tham n bad .. hhehe .. i never see him b4 so i'm not sure la k?
but do trust ur bf lo .. k?i'm not forcing u k ..it's just a suggestion only .. hehehe

haha .. tiring day

well .. today went to rennaisance hotel with edwin for the University Of Manchester pre departure briefing ... haihz .. at first it was ok but when edwin went n ask question bout the accomodation that time wasnt really ok lo . i really dont feel like telling what had happen today but i'm really very "fan " haihz ... how i wish that someone could tell me whther is it true ? as in what i'm thinking now .. simply thinking can really spoil ur day .. haihz .. well .. today edwin n i went to renaissance hotel in kl , jalan sultan ismail by ktm from subang to kl central n the monorail from kl central to bukit nanas in kl .. after the pre-departure briefing we went to midvalley to meet with his friends .. we went to midvalley by using ktm .. after that we have to sit ktm to go back subang coz edwin's car is at Subang parade .. so mafan .. we have to sit ktm from midvalley back to kl central then from there we'll have to wait for the train to go back to subang .. this is my first time of sitting ktm n monorail .. well .. i thought that it should be fun but it's not ! not at all !!i will never wanna sit ktm anymore .. i dont mind lrt but not ktm .. well ..it was actually a happy day but there're something happen that really spoiled my day .. well .. i hope it didnt spoil his day but it really spoiled my day .. i just cant stop thinking bout that .. haihz .. forget it ..i know he had done lotsa things for him just to gain my trust but sometimes .. when u're scared of losing someone u tend to be very extremly sensitive .. n he failed to ensure me that what i'm thinking now is actually wrong .. well .. i'veseen it by my eyes .. u know .. i really hope he'll explain n ensure me that what i'm thinking now is actually wrong .. haihz .. not i dont trust but i'm really scared.. or maybe i'm just too jealous bout the two things that happen .. but ithink the midvalley one is the worst wan .. haihzz .. jealousy ... haihz .. he did pujuk me today .. alot ... but i'm scared that what he said is just to mek me feel better n happy but not true .. i know he's not that kinda of guy .. i really that he's not that kinda guy but i dunno why the feeling is still there .. maybe it's just jealousy n lack of sayang .. lol .. jk .. maybe i'm just too jealous .. haihz.. luckily i didnt merajuk .. it's not his fault at all .. shouldnt merajuk .. the problem is with me .. not him .. i'm the one simply thinking so shouldnt spoil his day

hehehe

well .. as u know .. i merajuk quite often nowadays .. yesterday also i did merajuk .. n as usual i tot he dont care bout me coz all the time when i merajuk he'll tell me that he's sleepy n need to go offline to sleep .. so when i merajuk yesterday nite he did the same thing .. went offline at arounf eleven somethinf pm .. i tot he really dont care n got fed up with me .. well .. when i was doubting bout his love for me .. he suddenly came online back at 2something am n asked me to view his new website .. n it was a surprise .. actually he cares for me .. he went offline to create a website .. website bout us .. n it's really damn lum.. i almost cry last night .. well main reason i'm lum not because of the message on the website ..the main reason is because .. he was damn sleepy last night .. but instead of sleeping , he created new website to pujuk me n to surprise me .. he was damn tired .. sleepy n got headache but he still didnt go to bed instead force himself to finish it .. when he told me all this yesterday night i was damn lum .. lol .. hehehe .. u know .. i really love him like mad n forever .. btw .. check this out .. http://elmforever.bravehost.com/.. gtg ..

things that i really wanna tell him but dare not !! shoud i tell ?

hmm .. what do i want ? i really dont know what do i want .. i always merajuk at night when talking to him ... every night !!i really dont wanna merajuk so much .. i feel bad for giving him so much of trouble but what can i do ? i cant control myself .. it's the emotion .. it's like what the rich dad poor dad book written by Robert Kiyosaki stated .. i'm letting my emotions to control me instead of using it on my advantage .. stupid right ? i'm the kind of person that really can tahan and contol myself bout anything .. can control my sadness ..anger .. disappoinment n etc .. no matter what happen last time i still can control but recently i cant control myself .. as in my feelings .. emotions .. i'm getting more emo nowadays .. every morning i told myself that i cnnot merajuk anymore .. tonight cannot merajuk when i talking to him but i still and up merajuking ... well .. the best way is not to talk online and webcam with him at night .. but i really wanna talk to him n see him although it's only through webcam ... i have less than 1 month to see n talk to him .. i knoe i must appreciate this days .. coz after that we're not going to see each for 365 days which is really very san fu for me .. but what to do .. haihz .. recently i cry very often .. almost everyday .. cry because he'll be leaving to uk !!! u know .. i really tak sampai hati .. i felt very sam tung when i think that the day is gonna come (as in the day he'll be going to uk ) .. the tears just come all of sudden then start crying like mad .. haihz ... this is what will happen when i'm in love .. i'm the kinda person that take it very seriously when i'm in love .. haihz .. this is bad ... haihz .. that day we quarrel bout he wanna go for gathering with his old skool mates ... well .. not i dont trust him .. i simply think not because i dont trust him .. it's because the friends that he has .. u know .. his friends .. i mean gurl not guy .. all flirt like mad .. maybe to him it's not flirting but to me it is flirting n i really dont like it .. dont wanna mention full name .. just short form will do .. dont wanna hurt other ppl.. his friend, s, flirts with him in front of me before .. even his best friend , a gurl , a , flirts everytime whenthey see each other .. hmm .. not evrytime la .. i guess .. well to him ..he thinks that it's not flirting because they are best friends for quite a long time .. but to me i think it is and i really cant take it .. although i cant take it i didnt even make any noise last time coz both of them were best friends .. so i control myself but recently i really cant ..his friends .. sw .. a .. s .. even his ex gf also flirt with him b4 .. as in when he's with me !! .. sent him that kinda stupid message !! bout his other friend(gurls) i really dunno coz never see them b4 ..right till now i only met this few gurls before .. how can i trust his friends ?how can i not simply think ? he's very close to gurls n his friends tend to flirt (maybe to him it'snot flirting but to me it is ) how can i not simply think? that's why i start to control like mad when it comes to gurls .. coz i know that some things that i think that it's flirting he dont thinks the same way as i do .. i really cannot take it if this happens when i'm damn in love.. he always said that i dont trust him .. the fact is that i trust him but i dont trust his friends .. i know he's a loyal bf .. sayang gf very very very much .. i know he care for me.. i really know all this .. we've already couple for more one n a half years i.. i know what kind of guy he is but i'm very sensitive towards all this .. if i know he has this kinda gurl friends how am i suppose to trust his friends and not simply think if they have gathering n i lose trust on ALL his gurl friends that's why i always simply think .. i really wanna tell him all this like why am i always simply thinking when it comes to gurl but i dont wanna quarrel .. to me .. he MY bf ..only I can flirt with him !! NO ONE ELSE can !! now i know why my friends n other people always tell me love is always selfish .. last time i dont trust coz this never happen to me b4 but now i trust because it's happening .. it only happens when someone is really really in love .. haha .. so ridiculous .. haihz ..well i dont know why .. recently i felt that he doesnt treat me as good as last time ... i know he sayang me very very much ... care for me and all .. but i just dont why i got this feeling .. am i being too demanding ? or Is it because he's too fed up of me merajuking everyday ? or is it something else ? i really dunno..

Love is killing me !!!

haihz

hmm

hmm .. i'm very confuse ... one part of me wants my bf to go uk for the sake of our studies coz i can be easily distracted by him .. another part of me do not want him to go uk coz scared of losing him of relationship will not be that good anymore because he found a better gurl ..before Alevels result is out .. i was praying like mad for his result to be good ..and end uo it was triple B's n fulfils the requirement .. means he'll be going to uk .. at first i felt quite happy for him until this few days .. i really dunno why i suddenly feel so sad .. so emo .. really really tak sampai hati to let him leave .. u know .. one part of me thinks like this "one year only ma.. very fast wan .. "another of e thinks like this .. "omg !! one year !!! so long !! i'll miss him like mad .. i really dun want him to go .. i want him to take 1+2... haihz ... i feeldamn sam tung .. i dont want him to leave ! " omg .. i really dunno what i want ...haihz .. i really feel very fan .. i wanna die !! why ?! u know .. recently i cry alot especially at night .. every night before i sleep i'll think of this thing n end up crying then fall asleep .. haihz ... that's y recently i damn emo n always merajuk if he dont come n see me .. he's going to uk end of this month but he's not temaning me like mad .. but understandable la he needs prepare things to go overseas .. but sometimes i just cant control myself coz too emo already .. i really dunno what to do la .. maybe it's because im too free now .. haihz .. i think when i start my degree wont be as bad as now .. keep on bad mood n simply scold people coz i'll make sure i keep myself busy with my studies ... as inreally damn busy .. until no time to layan anyone except for him n parents .. but one thing CONFIRM will happen .. when i miss him n think bout him i sure end up crying like mad .. i really love him .. really dont want him to leave but no choice.. now also feel like crying di .. well .. haihz...hmm .. i think i'll blog more often coz i really got lotsa sam si .. really very emo n i dont want to tell him .. just dont want him to feel lan cho .. haihz ..

hmm ... emo post

haihz ..my bf is gonna leave malaysia soon .. going to uk to futher his studies .. going end of this month .. n i'll be staying in malaysia for one more year .. so sad .. i know i'll miss him like mad .. i'm going to miss him everyday .. every hour ..every minute n every second .. haihz .. this is so sad .. well i dont mind having long distance relationship as long as my bf dont play me .. i hope he wont betray me ... i trust he wont but dunno why sometimes i'm worried .. worry that he'll betray me or two time or fell in love with other gurl .. really .. but it'll only stay for a while .. i mean the feeling .. so sad la ... but i trust him la .. i know he's not this kinda guy .. u know .. i'm just worry .. that's all ..i trust that he's not this kinda a guy but i'm just worry that he'll change .. to me .. he's a very loyal guy .. really loyal .. all the time also i know that he's a loyal bf .. although i knew bout that i still worry bout him betraying me .. well .. i worry notbecause i dont trust him but because i dont wanna lose such a good bf .. serious .. he's a really good bf .. i just dont wanna lose such a good bf .. i really love him like mad .. when wego out together ..as in shopping we'll chit chat n i love it .. we chit chat non stop .. ;aughing at something .. talking bad bout some clothes .. u know ..those la la clothes .. i just really enjoy going shopping with him .. really very nice .. i enjoy asking him which clothes is nice .. which clothes suits me .. n etc .. u know .. it's really fun .. yup .. i love talking to him .. at times we might not have any topic to talk bout (that's what i dont like ) but sometimes we'll have lotsa topic to talk bout .. sometimes we can talk until dont feel like going home ..but to bad .. we cant .. i just realise .. time pass damn fast when we're together but time pass damn slow when we're not together .. he'll be going to overseas end of this month .. and i bet time will pass damn slow when he;s not here .. i'll miss him like mad .. cry every night .. well .. i have to keep mydelf damn busy for the whole year so i wont cry every night .. must keep myself damn busy with my studies .. u know .. we wont be talking or seing each other for one whole year .. i'm very scared this relationship will end .. scared he fall in love with other gurls n dump me.. i really dont want this relationship to end .. i want it to last forever .. well .. we'll be meeting each other next year .. if by then he still loves me very much then i'll be damn secure n will not be worrying bout his anymore .. i'll consider this relationship is damn stable .. well .. no matter he'll love me forever not .. i'll still love him forever ..if he dumo i'll still love him forever .. but that does not mean that i wont have another bf but no one can replace him in my heart .. i really dont know why but it's just the feeling ..

my love !

I really love him .. really want this relationship to last ..but this isnot up to me to decide .. relationship is two person's thing .. so it's not up to me .. haihz .. i'm just so emo now.. better stop here ..

why ?

he dont understand me !!!! we couple for one n a half year already and he still dunno what kind of person am i.. this is so hurting n disappointing .. he thought i regret being in this relationship just because of my previous post which i've just deleted .. if i really regret then i will never want to continue this relationship.. everyine knows that i wont want the things that i dont like n also wont accept a guy that i have no feeling for .. if i really regret then i wont continue this relationship and will go and find a better bf .. if i regret then i wont be insecure .. if i regret then i wont live with worry that one day he'll leave me .. if i regret then i wont be so stupid .. get jealous of this n sad for that or angry or disappointed for anything ... he said he lost trust on me .. who should lose trust first?last time he said he can sacrifice friends for me .. it's all nonsense ! did i lose trust on him ?! no !!!!! deep in my heart i still trust him .. just that i'm worried .. that's all !!!! i really regret for posting the previous post ... haihz ... when i was typing the previous post that time i'm damn emo .. i simply write ... n not good in using wordsso can easily make ppl misunderstand .. i told him so many times bout this already !!! but he don understand !!! u know ... sometimes i see my friends n their bf can be so happy .. loving ... haihz .. nothing la ..you know .. i really love him like mad .. really really love him n he's thinking all these.. i'm really very hurt .. really very veryhurt

Great day

hahahaha .. Today is really a good day for me !! today is our(Edwin and Michelle ) off day .. hahaha .. we went for a movie .. movie was ok la .. well .. why is it a great day ... heheheheh .. because he sayang me lo .. although didnt really sayang me very muchbut sad but at least it's more than what i expected .. hahaha .. enough la .. like what he always said .. Must always be contented of life .. hehehehe ... but saddienya .. no time for shopping .. we went there walk around parkson .. then went to my working place (sisley and united colors of bennetton) i showed him the blouse that i wanna buy .. and he said nice .. haihz ..should i buy ?really really dunno should i buy .. the price is rm 299.90 .. so must think properly first coz i always buy clothes but dont wear.. why coz regret .. so MUST think properly first .. hehehe .. u knw.. i really miss shopping alot .. i really must shop like mad after 13th of August which is THE DAY I'M FREE .. FREEDOM !!! dont need to work anymore .. really cant wait for that day .. haihz ... still got twenty days ... haihz !!! sad sad nya .. Why my parents have to force me to work ?!!why ?!! trust me .. IT'S SO NOT FUN !!!! you got no freedom at all !! you have tofollow the rules !! even the time you wanna go for break also must follow !! so stupid ! what kind of stupid rules ?! stupid parkson !!!!i got scolded by parkson's floor executive before k and the best part is it's NOT MY FAULT !!! but i also got scold her back ..by right she cannot scold me wan !!! i'm not her staff !! i'm not parkson's stff but sisley and united colors of benneton's staff !! stupid floor executive .. I WILL REMEMBER YOU !! the day i stop working will be the day you're gonna die !! hehehehe !!! i will complain bout you like shit !now cannot yet .. well .. haihz .. miss my bf !! so sad !! i want my bf to be here now !! i want ! i want ! i want ! that PIG is sleeping .. everytime eat sleep play eat sleep play .. hehehe .. just kidding ..hhaha .. he's now working in Sri Melaka .. hehehe .. lovie him sowie muchie .. he really very sayang me but some times we quarrel alot .. hmm should i say some times ?hmm .. no no ... should say all the time .. hehehe .. but no matter how many times we quarrel also my feelings for him WILL NEVER chnage coz i trust that i wouldnt find such a good bf ..you know those one in a million .. but the most important thing is that i woulnt find such special feelings anymore .. as in my feelings towards him .. that's why i said in the previous blog that no matter he dump me not i'll always and still loves him forever even if my future husband is not him .. haha . bad rite hhehe . what to do ? hehehe .. i really love him like mad .. i have five ex (does not include Vincent ) not even one of them included vincent i have ever had this special feelings the first day i saw them .. edwinie(his new name .. cute hor?) different ..really really really love him like maddie ..

sadness of life

today i really felt damn sum thung .. he can say that to me .. i felt so cheap aand betrayed .. i really feel very sad .. all the while i trusted him that he'll love me forever .. no matter what he did also i still trust him .. but now i dont think so .. i think that it's just me alone ,michelle alone wants this relationship to last forever .. stupid rite ?.. well .. i used to say gurl who trust their bf if they said that to them is stupid .. now i myself did that .. i'm so stupid .. i know how it feels n understnad why they trust their bf .. because this is love .. true love .. but guys often play with all this .. i shoulnt say the gurls are stupid .. i should say the guys are stupid .. they will never know what's true love .. i really love my bf like mad but he doesnt trust n give me all sort of nonsense that's damn hurting... i really dont care whether he's my ideal bf or not .. i love him .. love him like mad .. it's already better than being my ideal bf .. to me ideal bf is just in the category of luxury whereas the guy that i really love like mad until i can sacrifice is in the category of necessary .. that's what i really want .. a guy that i really love like mad n also he really love me .. not just the ideal one .. without luxury in someone's life the person still can survive but without necessariesin someone's life then the person cant survive .. in general memang cant survive overall .. but in relationship .. without luxury we can still survive mentally happy .. ham fuk n etc .. but without necessaries then we cant survive MENTALLY .. it's like u've just lost everything and need to stand up and start everything all over again . even if u can strat everything , it'll still be in ur mind until the day u die .. haiz.. sadness of life .. this is love .. love can bring u happiness at times or forever but can also brings u sadness of life forever .. how wish if we can last long like my friend, jen's sis .. couple for 7 years or my 'collegues' last for six years n she's one year younger than me .. haihz .. this will never happen in the relationship .. i felt so damn CHEAP .. haihz .. sadness of life .. well .. now i still havent break up .. so maybe i should just appreciate the remaining days rite ? haha .. haihz .. but feel better aftercrying like mad .. haihz ..well .. everytime we quarrel he confirm can still sleep like a pig .. this shows that how much he loves me .. haihz .. i really annot sleep .. u know everyday when i'm working i'll miss him .. think of him like mad , then i'll hope for time to pass faster so that i can go home n chat with him .. haihz .. everyday come back damn tired but when talking to him i wont feel tired .. haihz

what the hell he want ?!

i seriously dont know what he want .. i've already done lots of thing just to make him feel secure back .. dont suspect me n all .. but it's just seem no difference .. what he want ? i'm seriously damn pissed .. sad .. angry n disappointed .. everything i did just went into the rubbishbin .. this is so stupid .. u know what ? i seriously dunno how to continue this relationship with him anymore .. i really really dunno .. usually if a person reach this stage they'll break up .. but i really didnt think of it n dont want // what can i do ?! .. haihz .. no one will understand how i feel

he really doesnt trust me

he didnt message me today .. i'm the one who message him first .. he really very yan sum .. maybe he's busy flrting with the gurl he's interested ..i said i really didnt talk to aaron but he dont trust me at all .. i'm really damn sad n damn yun wong .. wth .. haihz .. people said if u're sad then should cry out .. after crying u'll feel much better .. i cried 3 times,.. didnt feel any better .. still very hurting .. why?.. well nvm .. btw .. i got message for aaron . aaron .. i promised my bf not to talk to any other guys except for classmates because he doesnt like it .. that's y i didnt talk to u very very long already ..i dont know how did u get my blog add.. but can u please dont add anymore comment coz i dont my bf to misunderstand again .. we quarreled because of this .. he thought i broke my promise .. he thought all the while also i got talk to u n tell him i didnt .. it's the fact is that i really didnt talk to u but he dont seems to trust at all.. so i hope u dont add any comment anymore ..sorry .. i'm know i'mtoo much .. sacrifice fren for bf but i have no choice .. i really love him .. if i dont then i wont do that .. hope u understand n wont add comment anymore ..

again

pwe quarreled again .. why ? i'm really damn sad ,, i really didnt talk to any guys anymore .. n didnt talk to aaron aready .. why cant he just trust me ? why? i really dont know how aaron got my blog address .. really ..why cant he just trust me ? i really didnt talk to him .. haihz.. crying again .. maybe we really wont last forver n i have to accept the fact

happy day but in the end still end up getting sad

haihz .. really very very sad today i really felt very happy .. starting to feel secure .. but i still end up crying .. why ? what's wrong with me ? Am i demanding too much ? i just wanna let him know that he's been treating me differently recently .. and hope that he'll treat me like last time back .. am i demanding more n more by doing that ? haihz .. really very sad .. he said "no point treating u good because u dont feel secure "this is so hurting .. he said i dont appreciate him .. whichpart of me dont appreciate him?! i try to give him what he want .. i tried not to do the things that he doesnt like .. i try my best to treat him as good as i can .. n he thinks that i dont appreciate him .. he thinks that i'm mou lei chui lau .. what he want ? i'm really very sad .. i actually feel damn damn damn happy today .. feel quite secure .. feel loved .. cared .. feel that he really loves me .. but why is this thing happening now?why quarrel again ?! why?! .. really feel very sad .. i really dunno what to do .. really dunno what to say .. maybe it's all my fault again.. what's wrong with me ? why always cause problems?haihz ..

Hmm

hehe .. the one and only picture that we took it together ... heheheheheh .., i love him so muchie .. miss him so so muchie .. hehehe

Hehe .., this one is his picture .. nice leh ? my lovely and cute cute baby!!! love him like maddie

and this is me !! .. hehe ...

i miss my baby alot .. finals is coming .. cannot see him until final ends .. really very very very sad .. haihz .. i'm gonna suffer like mad .. haihz .. saddie .. never mind la .. hehe .. must always think positively ..(although i'll simply think everyday ) .. haihz .. how tp stop myself from simply thinking?? haihz ..