why am i so stupid?

well ,i'm really damn hurt n sad bout the way he treat me recently , yesterday we quarreled , n yesterday i was like guessing whether will he come online n my feelings told me that he will not be so bad wan , he very sayang me wan , no matter what also he'll come online wan so i woke u up BY MYSELF , without the need of using the alarm clock n guess what ,he wasnt online . so i plan to call him n he told me that he's not going to come online because we quarrrel . this is really unexpected , i really didnt expect that he will treat me like this , really unexpected . Honestly i tot he still sayang me like mad , but i'm wrong . U know , yesterday rachael was telling me that ur bf is ur everything n it's true , he is my everything so no matter how angry or sad or disappointing also i'll try my best to cool down n forget bout it n i did . so what if he is my everything? i'm not his everything also , sometimes i really dunno why am i so stupid , i felt that he's treating me more n more lam tham but i still try my best to "kuan sam " him more n try my best to care for him .when friends ask me who ususally call who , in order to avoid letting my friends to talk bad bout him or give my friend a bad impression , i lied , i said sometimes i call n sometimes he call . i reallly feel that i'm damn stupid , i know he's treating me lam tham day by day , but i always tell myself "nothing wan , small little thing only ma , he very sayang me wan , i'm just thinking too much" am i trying to lie to myself ? i guess so . why am i so stupid? ppl said this is the power of love . haihz if that's true then i think it's stupid . Haihz , maybe , after all , he does not love me as much as last time anymore , maybe it's time for him to dump me soon . if that's so then i really have go n die already , i trust the wrong person , n i'm damn CHEAP !!! anything la , i think i've already did my job as a gf , should say more than what a gf will do , i call him , friends always say that i'm wasting money n time but didnt care , i still make an effort to call see to check if he's ok n etc , i wake him up so that he wont oversleep n cant sleep at night , i care for his health , restict him from drinking this n that n etc , there's nothing else i can do anymore , u know i really care for him , but i really dunno why i'm treated this way, friends said , i this kindof gf is hard to fins anymore , n they will ask me whther am i happy coz she praise me , so what ?my bf doesnt think like this , the person i really love doesnt think like this , happy for what ? all compliment anyone made to me didnt made me happy at all because i want it to come out from the person i love the most n not other ppl , haihz ,getting emo di , better stop here , signing outz