stressful life, feel helpless but will never let go or give up because of too in love

10/11/2007 2.00 am , U know , when someone grow older he or she will have to face lotsa stress n prob . nowadays i got lotsa prob , friendship prob , relationship prob , lotsa homework n assignment piling up n sometimes family prob . U know , i really feel damn tired n helpless especially towards my relationship .i really put lotsa hope n love in this relationship n i kept getting hurt n disappointed as e always break my promise n etc. i really feel damn helpless , all i want is just someone to sayang me n love me forever , why is it so hard to find this kinda guy ? i just wanna be like heung ling , ashley , ching huan n jill . i just wanna be like them , have a guyto love , care n sayang u forever . why is it so hard ? why am i always at the losing end ? why am i always the one getting sad , angry , disappointed n hurt ?! i really feel damn sad , i just want a guy to sayang me , care for me n sayang me forever . Is it too much ?! i dont think so , why heung ling n others have all this but not me ?! i really love my current bf , i've put lotsa hope n love in this relationship , hoping that it will last forever but with his current attitude i think he'll dump me soon . Last time he sayang me very much , always care for me n etc but now he treat me differently , i really dunno why . i know he's also suffering as he's in a foreign country without ppl care for him n etc that's y i try my best to care for him more ,"kuan sam him more" , try my best to sayang him more , try to control myself so that wont merajuk too much n try to stop myself from demanding too much . i always think for him but what bout me ? i always get disappointed n hurt . i already tried my best to be a good gf but what bout him ? i dont expect him to be a perfect bf , i just expect him to love me forever but i dont think he will , i should say i dontthink he can ..i really feel damn tired n helpless .. i really feel damn san fu ... there r num of friends that asked me to dump him , let go this relationship n i'll feel better , thay said i feel so san fu n so helpless is because i'm too in love with my current bf . honestly yes , i'm too in love with him , too attached to him but friends , i'm really sorry , i will never let go this relationship no matter how san fu n helpless i feel . u might think that i'm stupid coz by the way he's treating me i know u gurls feels that he's not really in love me n might dumo me next time . i know , u gurls told me lotsa time di , but i really love him , i really dont wanna n will never let go this relationship no matter how helplessor tires i feel , i dun wanna regret , i also got the feeling that he might dump me next time but i dont care as long as i've try my best to be a good gf n cherish now . i'm really sorry for not listening to u gurls but i really cant help it , i hope my dear friends will respect my decision n not be angry at me for not listening . thank u. feel much better after blogging . And message for victor , may yue told me that u always read my blog, how did u get my blog add? haihz , nvm , thank u n she also told me that , that day when u n ur gf were dating in bukit jalil , u saw my cousins n i , she told me everything . just wanna say thank u for reading my blog n also thank u for the compliment altho i think it's not true, dont may yue or anyone else for my num anymore k ? i will not talk to guys except for my classmates . that's all for now , signing outz