i really had enough !!

11/11/07 , sun He can totally forgotten bout talking to me at 5 am !! n eating dinner with gurls , that gurls voice is damn laoud,i'm sure they either sit together or damn near la,if not then it wouldnt be so damn loud , :'( , tell me why i love him so much ?!!? why i treat him soo good?!why ?!:'(,i have n will never forget bout talking to him at 5 am no matter how late i sleep even tho i have only one hour sleep like yesterday or how busy i am?everyday i'll wake up myself without the need of using the alarm altho i did set .this shows howimportant i'm to him n how important is he to me , forgotten to bring watch is an excuse as i dont wear watch also . he changed totally!i'm veryhurt, i really wanna know does he still treat me as his gf or just a normal friend coz the way he's treating me really makes me suspect if he has a new gf there,he dont sayang me unless i asked for it,dont pujuk n etc just,:'(,i'm damn insecure n hurt, i feel damn bad for using shut up on him i shall apologise next time

stressful life, feel helpless but will never let go or give up because of too in love

10/11/2007 2.00 am , U know , when someone grow older he or she will have to face lotsa stress n prob . nowadays i got lotsa prob , friendship prob , relationship prob , lotsa homework n assignment piling up n sometimes family prob . U know , i really feel damn tired n helpless especially towards my relationship .i really put lotsa hope n love in this relationship n i kept getting hurt n disappointed as e always break my promise n etc. i really feel damn helpless , all i want is just someone to sayang me n love me forever , why is it so hard to find this kinda guy ? i just wanna be like heung ling , ashley , ching huan n jill . i just wanna be like them , have a guyto love , care n sayang u forever . why is it so hard ? why am i always at the losing end ? why am i always the one getting sad , angry , disappointed n hurt ?! i really feel damn sad , i just want a guy to sayang me , care for me n sayang me forever . Is it too much ?! i dont think so , why heung ling n others have all this but not me ?! i really love my current bf , i've put lotsa hope n love in this relationship , hoping that it will last forever but with his current attitude i think he'll dump me soon . Last time he sayang me very much , always care for me n etc but now he treat me differently , i really dunno why . i know he's also suffering as he's in a foreign country without ppl care for him n etc that's y i try my best to care for him more ,"kuan sam him more" , try my best to sayang him more , try to control myself so that wont merajuk too much n try to stop myself from demanding too much . i always think for him but what bout me ? i always get disappointed n hurt . i already tried my best to be a good gf but what bout him ? i dont expect him to be a perfect bf , i just expect him to love me forever but i dont think he will , i should say i dontthink he can ..i really feel damn tired n helpless .. i really feel damn san fu ... there r num of friends that asked me to dump him , let go this relationship n i'll feel better , thay said i feel so san fu n so helpless is because i'm too in love with my current bf . honestly yes , i'm too in love with him , too attached to him but friends , i'm really sorry , i will never let go this relationship no matter how san fu n helpless i feel . u might think that i'm stupid coz by the way he's treating me i know u gurls feels that he's not really in love me n might dumo me next time . i know , u gurls told me lotsa time di , but i really love him , i really dont wanna n will never let go this relationship no matter how helplessor tires i feel , i dun wanna regret , i also got the feeling that he might dump me next time but i dont care as long as i've try my best to be a good gf n cherish now . i'm really sorry for not listening to u gurls but i really cant help it , i hope my dear friends will respect my decision n not be angry at me for not listening . thank u. feel much better after blogging . And message for victor , may yue told me that u always read my blog, how did u get my blog add? haihz , nvm , thank u n she also told me that , that day when u n ur gf were dating in bukit jalil , u saw my cousins n i , she told me everything . just wanna say thank u for reading my blog n also thank u for the compliment altho i think it's not true, dont may yue or anyone else for my num anymore k ? i will not talk to guys except for my classmates . that's all for now , signing outz

hurt ...

i really dunno la , but now i'm damn hurt , why am i always the one being hurt n sad ? i really dunno what to do or what to say , i really very tired of this already .. i really love him , i love him to the extend that i can say he's my everything but why is he treating me like this . like what lai yin told me , kah jun comment bout me when he went out with lai yin , said i'm too loyal n too into the relationship n also said i will be the end up damn damn damn damn hurt , haihz , altho i dont really know him but i agree with what he said , haihz , really speechless la , really very hurting , btw , client counselling today was quite fun tho .from today onwards i'm not going to talk to him everyday wherereas only one day per week n one hour , haihz , anything la , i shall be use to it , really cannot control or say anything already , haihz :'( i'm sad , damn sad , i have so many problems , life is really damn stressful as we grow older , haihz especially in relationship . really damn hurting , dunno what to say anymore , anything la , haihz , signing outz

why am i so stupid?

well ,i'm really damn hurt n sad bout the way he treat me recently , yesterday we quarreled , n yesterday i was like guessing whether will he come online n my feelings told me that he will not be so bad wan , he very sayang me wan , no matter what also he'll come online wan so i woke u up BY MYSELF , without the need of using the alarm clock n guess what ,he wasnt online . so i plan to call him n he told me that he's not going to come online because we quarrrel . this is really unexpected , i really didnt expect that he will treat me like this , really unexpected . Honestly i tot he still sayang me like mad , but i'm wrong . U know , yesterday rachael was telling me that ur bf is ur everything n it's true , he is my everything so no matter how angry or sad or disappointing also i'll try my best to cool down n forget bout it n i did . so what if he is my everything? i'm not his everything also , sometimes i really dunno why am i so stupid , i felt that he's treating me more n more lam tham but i still try my best to "kuan sam " him more n try my best to care for him .when friends ask me who ususally call who , in order to avoid letting my friends to talk bad bout him or give my friend a bad impression , i lied , i said sometimes i call n sometimes he call . i reallly feel that i'm damn stupid , i know he's treating me lam tham day by day , but i always tell myself "nothing wan , small little thing only ma , he very sayang me wan , i'm just thinking too much" am i trying to lie to myself ? i guess so . why am i so stupid? ppl said this is the power of love . haihz if that's true then i think it's stupid . Haihz , maybe , after all , he does not love me as much as last time anymore , maybe it's time for him to dump me soon . if that's so then i really have go n die already , i trust the wrong person , n i'm damn CHEAP !!! anything la , i think i've already did my job as a gf , should say more than what a gf will do , i call him , friends always say that i'm wasting money n time but didnt care , i still make an effort to call see to check if he's ok n etc , i wake him up so that he wont oversleep n cant sleep at night , i care for his health , restict him from drinking this n that n etc , there's nothing else i can do anymore , u know i really care for him , but i really dunno why i'm treated this way, friends said , i this kindof gf is hard to fins anymore , n they will ask me whther am i happy coz she praise me , so what ?my bf doesnt think like this , the person i really love doesnt think like this , happy for what ? all compliment anyone made to me didnt made me happy at all because i want it to come out from the person i love the most n not other ppl , haihz ,getting emo di , better stop here , signing outz

sleepy post

i'm sooo damn sleepy , yesterday i was chatting with roxanne from 11 something pm till almost 3.30 am , well , we chat bout lotsa things , hahaha , rox , know what ? it's really damn fun chatting with u yesterday n honestly , after telling u my "sam si " i felt much better , thanks ya .. love u , btw , gonna chat again k ? wow , today's english class was so not fun , my lecturer got so angry , he raised his voice towards one of my classmatesn asked her to shut up , my friend got so angry n pissed. well i understand la , but think properly la , he's already 70 something years old ,he is an old man , why must care so much bout it ? to me i think that i should attend for his class n respect him as my lecturer no matter how mean he treat us , i really pity him lo as my classmate is not gonna attend the english class anymore because of what he did today , n the worst thing is they're planning to complain bout . Think properly , why would u wanna so "kai kau with an old man , i also got bomb by him because was telling pui yee something but i didnt really care , didnt talk bad bout him or whatever cozi think he's damn old di , we shouldnt treat him so bad , we should respect him . i told my friends that he's old already , we should at least respect him a lil n my friend's reply was like this "so what ? old doesnt mean that he can do that to me rite ? " i dunno why but she just made me feel that she dont respect him at all , u know , i understand how she feels la , lecturer raise his voice n asked u to shut up infront of the whole class , i know how it feels but ppl old already i really thinks that we should respect him n just take it easy with it lo. haihz , dunno why they wanna complain n talk bout him bhind his back , at least he did apologise right? haihz , i pity him .haihz , didnt chat with edwin today , busy with his damn movie , haihz , suan ba , shouldnt care so much anymore. i'm soooo damn sleepy !!! i wanna sleep but then right , it's 5.37 m now , if i sleep then tonight i confirm cannot sleep wan , i wanna sleep early tonight so that i can concentrate tomorrow ,haihz , but then right , second thought i think i better take a nappie first , heheheh . really cant stand the sleepiness la , haha , signing outz

can people stop giving comment bout me?

i heard from my friends that my ex dance friends (long time no see n talk ) saw me that day , they told my friends something , altho it's good but i just dont like it, not all is good tho , they comment on my looks that's good but said that i'm getting bitchy , haihz , i will really LOVE IT if that comment is from my bf , i just wanna hear comment from my bf n not FRIENDS . That day my father's friend said ", waaa , ur daughter is starting to look like ur wife as she grow older , that's good ", i was like "what?! are u indicating that i look old ?! why is it good ? is it a compliment or an insult ?" well , i dont really care much bout all this is comment hmm , i feel quite stressed up , haihz , due date for contract assignment is apporaching , saddie nya , but legal skills come first , need to hand up legal skills on 16th of november 2007 , haihz , one day before my birthday !!!!! not fair !!! sad sad !!! this year's birthday will be damn saddie to me as my bf is in uk !!! saddie . :'(

why am i always in the losing end in every relationship ?

why ? why am i always in the losing end in every relationship ? is it because of loyalty or what? i really dunno what he wants ,he said , we shouldnt talk so often anymore , talk when we're free or feel like talking , means what ? u know , i'm really very tung fu now , really ,i really dunno what to say or what to do ?why must i know bout this only when i knoe that i cant live without him in my life or it's hard for me to live without him . i'm in the losing end now , i've lose everything , i've totally lose anythin , i just wanna know why must i be so tung fu n heart broken n tung fu now, i know he's getting bored of me , i'm not the girl he wants anymore , i think he might consider finding other gurl that suits him , i'm not sure , right now he still havent dump me yet , i dunno what he wants , u know i'm really very hurt n tung fu , i rfeally love him why must he treat me like that ? why i just be like heung ling , found the guy will love me , sayang me forever , i just expect to have a bf that will love me forever, i dont expect him to be perfect , loyal to me , love me more than i love him , sayang me , then i'll stick to him forever , is it hard to find such guy ?! i tot i foung one but haihz i really dunno ,='( , i'm really very sad n hurt , idunno what should i do?='(